jaywalking.us :: cybermensch holocaustic

Cooler than Hell

• Home
• Linkwhore
• Rawblogs
• Crude Humor

Speak no evil of an absent friend.

• Subscribe

  

• Polls

  • I like my porn from...

    • Torrents
    • Filehosting sites

    View Results

• Categories

  • Flash
  • Games
  • General
  • Imagery
  • Music
  • News
  • Random Ramblings
  • Rants
  • Site links
  • Software
  • Torrents
  • Tutorials
  • Video

• Archives

  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • May 2010
  • February 2010
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • November 2008
  • April 2008
  • March 2008
  • February 2008
  • January 2008
  • December 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • April 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • January 2007
  • December 2006
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • September 2006
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • June 2006
  • May 2006
  • April 2006
  • March 2006
  • February 2006
  • January 2006
  • December 2005
  • November 2005
  • October 2005
  • September 2005
  • August 2005
  • July 2005
  • June 2005
  • May 2005
  • April 2005
  • March 2005
  • February 2005
  • January 2005

• Blogroll

  
  
  
  Adult Blog Directory
  
  Twisted Blogs
  
  

  ---

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  5 4 3 2 1
  

• Admin

  • Register
  • Log in
  • WordPress
  • XHTML

Nobody asked me about this. I love it.

I feel it is my contextual duty to bring you entertainment outside bitchy posts about how everyone but me sucks donkey assholes, and the best way I found to do so is to link outside. I’m a sly weasel, you see.

The better part of my Internet time is spent hopping back and forth through webcomics, cheap sustenance in between more involved graphic novels– which is not to say all the webcomics out there are superficial and detached; just the ones I read. When I find one that really draws me in, it frustrates me to no end that I have to wait two, three, days, a week, a month, for the next goddamn panels. I’d imagine, it happens, that I am not the only one afflicted with a ferocious, lustful appetite for graphic novelties, so while I feel like it, fleeting situation, I ought to direct you to the more digestible offerings I consume.

The Perry Bible Fellowship
While the first time I stumbled on its (then) nondescript archive entirely accidentally, PBF has recently become a net phenom, increasingly hard to avoid if you’re at all into forums and the like. The art needs no presentation. The plot is unexistant. The subtext is disregarded. The only thing that follows through each weekly strip is the humor, and although unarguably off kilter, it hits all the right notes with frivolous and uninhibited passion. Irony abounds. Morbidity is trivialized. The bad guys win, the good guys cheat, scientists are deeply concerned about the size of their penises. This comic is your justification to laugh everytime you feel like you shouldn’t.
http://www.pbfcomics.com

Edible Dirt
To best way to sum up Edible Dirt is distillated cleverness in a shroud of dark humor. It’s pretty hard to break down; every strip consists of one clearly drawn, artistically debateable image, with a witty caption of some sort, sometimes without any text at all. Admittedly, sometimes it misses and falls flat, but it grandiosely makes up for any shortcomings with every outing that has you looking at the screen for several long seconds only to fall back into your chair, reclining in the smug intellectual pride that you’ve “got it.”
http://catmydog.comicgenesis.com/

Fetus X
This is considered a comic in the community although I’m not sure it’s really what I’d call it. The author is a fiercely political bizarro journalist; the kind of guy the audience of this very site would probably like a bunch. Every week he comes out with a million short political, social and cultural posts and one “painting”, digitally conveyed artsy image with amusing poetry and prose mock handwritten over it. The stories start and promptly go nowhere, the content is ludicrously unfamily-friendly and the art is continously interesting. You could be caught reading this book for the pictures.
http://www.fetusx.com/

And that’s it for the Jay-oriented content. I’ll post a bunch more if this garners some kind of attention. Till then, look at the image archives.
-Valkam

Sorry I haven’t updated lately, but I’ve had more important things to do.

And actually I still have more important things to do, so it might be a while. Who knows. Valkam is officially in charge of providing entertainment until I find the motivation and time to do it.

A personal IRL friend of mine asked if I could link to his blog, and naturally I said yes. Because I’m such a swell guy.

At first I tried giving him a subdomain redirection on my domain, but since cPanel is being a whore, it’s not up yet. But his site is still there, so go visit it. Now.

Mad Cox, Twisted Viking Brain

Tales of this week, new edition.

Rafting in the Vapids.

Despite my stubborn attempts at winning the lottery, factual circumstances indicate that I just started climbing up the ladder and that my days of sweating balls and eating shit are ahead of me, in majority.

That won’t scare me, because I believe in working for what you want and self-improvement; and I refuse to stay content with what I have rather than try and reach for what I can get. And so, through liberal capitalism, I engage life with the best tools at hand– business.

I really hate doing business. In contrast with the human interactions I hold for the sake of human company, in the case of professional transactions I have to deal with people that drive me fucking nuts. The worst part of this is that it’s impossible to network without these ugly, sinister leeches and a lot of the crap I get to deal with is entirely self-reliant. It’s there and it wouldn’t ever cross my path if didn’t wanted something else so badly.

There was a time in my earlier days when drugs were evil. My hatred for them and their users border on fanatism, eagerly condemning all of them to stupidy or loathsomeness. That was a number of years ago.

I’ve grown up, naturally, and I’d let slip anything, anything! if it weren’t that I expect people to have their fucking heads screwed on tight when we’re talking projects and money. Last Tuesday, I had to sit through a meeting with someone baked off her ass. Not small-time, inspired buzz baked. It was Baked: The Next Generation.

I try, really, my hardest not to expect anything out of people in general; they have always been and forever will be people– implying great potential in realization and infinite potential in failure. My best efforts, honestly.

But it’s so easy to fall, rafting in the vapids.
-Valkam

I HAVE A NEW GIRLFRIEND
SHE’S WIDELY ACCLAIMED TO BE THE HOTTEST CHICK IN TOWN
I HAVE A BIGGER APARTMENT
I HAVE BETTER INTERNET
I HAVE COLD BEER
I HAVE POTATO CHIPS

LIFE IS SO PEACHY I CAN TASTE IT

Loneliness makes you do terrible, terrible things.

I’ve become ferociously independant, these days; quite useful and still socially permissible. I make a point, almost unconsciously, to be the only ressource I need; by lowering my standards of living and indulging in pretty sick porn, among other things. But I still get lonely; I can’t escape it. It’s healthy human nature, social animalistic behavior.

I call them “fans”, not so much derisively as accurately. I just keep being myself and they give me attention, and I feed off it until I can step up to the next ladder of Maslow’s pyramid. Practical shit.

Every now and then, though, one gets into me and decides that I will become attached or something crazy like that. And God, that’s miserable. I meet the saddest people online, and usually they’re not even complaining about their sorrow.

This one girl has been harrassing me with questions and requests, and although I’ve stated clearly that she might as well buy and monkey and fuck off, she presses on. She calls me conceited. And talks about eating. All the time.

I don’t care about a lot of things, but I like to understand them anyway. I ask, “why are you talking about eating and food all the time?”

“Because I don’t eat,” she answers. That can’t be healthy; as ten thousand years of eating have kept humans alive. She then explains (at lenght) that she wants to be “Nicole Richie” thin.

I have no idea who Nicole Richie is.

And even then she makes a point of stating “some people think that’s gross,” so I know Ms. Richie is probably a stick figure. And blonde. Understand that I don’t really care if this or that girl go out of their way to digest their innards, but there’s still something disgusting there. I’m talking to people like that.

I should feel like shit, I’m more repulsed by my talking to the clinically insane than I am about the insanity itself. I see some of myself in that. She feels like she have to starve her bones to the pulp, I feel I have to talk to someone because loneliness will make me useless and disposable. You only exist in the minds of others.

But then, that! There is no mind there, and I don’t even care to count how many more of these people look at me. Out of need for company I etched myself in a jar of fat. This is validation. This is proof of my existence.

Loneliness is a terrible thing.
-Valkam

In the spirit of my newly appointed co-poster and esteemed collegue in misanthropic rambling, Valkam, I decided to post something to starkly remind you of fuck ups you have caused, indirectly or directly.

I wish I could do this jokingly, but there is nothing funny about it. It occurs to me that Transmetropolitan is prophetic in it’s insanity. Transmetropolitan had alot of good comic relief. But let’s look at some fact.

Suspension of Habeas Corpus in the United States of America. The Smiler is now in control. This is your reality, America. This is no longer a comic book. This is something you actually have to live with. Let this sink in.

There’s nothing funny about any of this. The United States government is claiming the power to detain, indefinitely, without charges, any American citizen anywhere, at any time, for any reason, keep them from seeing a lawyer or even appearing in court, and torture them.

Let me repeat that: The United States government is claiming the power to detain, indefinitely, without charges, any American citizen anywhere, at any time, for any reason, keep them from seeing a lawyer or even appearing in court, and torture them.

And just one more time, for effect: The United States government is claiming the power to detain, indefinitely, without charges, any American citizen anywhere, at any time, for any reason, keep them from seeing a lawyer or even appearing in court, and torture them.

You let this happen to yourself, America. You voted for this. Or regrettably denied yourself the luxury, the priviledge, the fucking duty as a person existing on this planet, of voting against it. Or voting all together. And this is your reward, America. It is just, but it is not righteous. You deserve this, America. You really do. Maybe next time, you’ll have learned something.

But I doubt it.

Hello there.

Jay was kind enough to loan me a little space to be angry and depressed and pass it off as productivity, so you get a new writer here on Jaywalking. I don’t think anything will change past that, you are still free to sift through the picture galleries looking for the occasional porn vid screenshot. I’m here to rant, and so I will. On with the show.

On being right and being fucked.

No matter how I look at it, I can’t convince myself that there is a single problem on Earth. Just kids really refusing to sit at the Friend Table and work out their little differences.

I want all of you to think of a daycare center for children ages three to five, right before they get in school. That’s when shit hits the fan and you know it. Right, are you there yet? Have you ever been there yourself? Remember what would get you in a fight with the other kids. If you’ve never been there, imagine, it’ll be even better.

Stolen or hogged toys, a slap on the face, dissidence over a sand castle. What really gets to kids is that there are other kids, and that means, although they can’t justify it themselves, the sharing of ressources. Benevolent watchers will surely enforce the concept that all are equal in rights and that little Tommy shouldn’t sit on smaller Jimmy for the sake of playing with biggest toy truck for those few precious seconds.

And since Tommy doesn’t really understand the big words we’ll use to give the right reasons, he’ll be pretty fucking irritated. He knows he’ll get what’s coming if he doesn’t comply, however, and there you have the base morality of everyone on Earth. Behave, or be spanked until it seems like a good idea.

Now, world issues. National issues. Social issues. Interpersonal issues. Some of those are incredibly complicated and devious, but in my experience, most if not all of these conflicts can be traced down to a single source, perpetuated over and over and over throughout history.

Little Tommy sitting on smaller Jimmy and no one spanking him to make a difference.

There will be some of us who integrate the concepts of justice and freedom, I’m hoping a majority of us do, in fact; but to say everyone is equal is a ferocious denial of reality. There are strong and there are weak; and if the weak get abused by the strong, well, who the Hell are you to tell the strong what to do?

I don’t think anything going on in this world is doomed. No, the really sucky part is that even if you agree with me that there things that can be done, globally, to solve problems and make everyone better off, you’re fucked. That’s being right and being fucked.

Let’s say you have brilliant resolution for one specific issue in the Middle East but out of truth you cannot help but place the fault more on one faction than the other. What do you think will happen? Little Tommy will sit on you. Leave my fucking truck alone. You were right and you are fucked.

I hear people complaining on rather daily basis about superficial societal problems in North America. The Life Sucks Tirade. It pains me. It pains me that these poor fuckers don’t even realize that the society is their’s and the only real problem is that they refuse to do anything with it themselves. The people who are out there to do right thing are never considered in favor for those who offer to diluate mainstream concerns into new crap. The masses are the biggest little Tommy. And he fucks himself, mostly; since masses are the hardest kid to spank. They never grow up to the point of understanding what the spank means.

Or, you could prove me wrong.
-Valkam  

I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but I am. As you may know, I play Counter-Strike somewhat religiously, because let’s face it there are no other games out there yet worth a miniature donkey’s flaccid phallus. And as you may NOT know, I have been drinking approximately 1 gallon of Coca Cola every day since I was 15 (brush your teeth 4 times a day, folks). Now, when you’ve built up a certain immunity to the hilarious amounts of sugar, and the smaller amount of caffeine in this beverage, you don’t really feel much different. Coca Cola eventually becomes just a beverage.

But then I stopped. My teeth were falling out, and I just couldn’t stand for that. So I stopped, drank maybe a small bottle every other weekend. And apparently, my immunity has worn off.

Because yesterday I was in Sweden to grab my self a bite to eat (as I often do, hopping across the border for lunch), and I figured I’d do some shopping. So I bought 2 pounds of prime cut steak, alot of groceries, some candy and a 24 pack of 0.33 centilitre cans of Coca Cola.

After now the twelth can today, I tried playing Counter-Strike, and I was like an extreme case of ADHD with no Adderall for a million years, I am seriously climbing up the fucking walls here like a cat who’s been slipped acid in the milk. I can probably see through time and into other dimensions if I have another can. Imagine trying to aim at anything in this sorry fucking state.

Needless to say, I sucked. 33-12 stats. I feel like crawling under a rock and stay there, but because I am even having trouble sitting still right now I don’t see that fucking happening. I am actually starting to think Coca Cola might be bad for you.

Also the raining has stopped, and birds are singing in Norway in November. This is probably also related to my Coca Cola drinking, I’ve accelerated time through out the world, and it’s now meteorologically spring everywhere, I swear.