Voice acting can decide whether or not a fantasy game-universe can be made believable to the incredulous kind of person who is not so inclined to dive face first into a japanese color-orgy filled to the brim with over-exaggerated dialogue and gay retards with stupid hair. For example, Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain has a great story, we all know it does. But the game play can be pretty frustratingly bad at times, and I some times felt like I was aching my self through a never-ending series of slaughters, just to see some progression in the storyline. But every so often, Kain would give me a smart remark, an item description of an exceptionally vivid nature, or a comment on the foul stench that surrounded him in every city. Had this not been delivered in a good way, I would probably not have immersed myself as much in the story and potentially not realized how fucking awesome it was.
Then you get games like Baten Kaitos, which for the 15 minutes I played it, was like drilling a hole in my ears and then putting it next to a sandblaster, and then having Alanis Morisette do any of her songs on SUNN O)))’s stage sound gear. It was fucking horrendous. I don’t know how else to describe the voices, but they were really. fucking. bad.
There’s also the entire Resident Evil series, suspending that everything about it screams “you’re either a 12 year old girl or a fucking retard if you like this”, and also the fact that I love Yahtzee Croshaw, I was very disappointed by the fact that he never once mentioned how fucking bad the voice acting is in those games. Except maybe with the Villain-With-Throat-Cancer bit. I some times wake up in a cold sweat, the sounds still ringing in my ears, the flat and monotonous “cry” for help: “Leon!” It might as well have been performed by text-to-speech software from the late 90′s.
“Zombies.” She said, as if she was ordering them from a fucking drive through. And I’ve heard more convincing grunts of agony on 8mm amateur pornographic movies. That were fake.
Though I’m pretty sure everything will still suck about Resident Evil, they could at least make the actors sound like they didn’t have to pay to have their names billed on the fucking thing.
Voice acting can mean everything for a cynical realist bastard like me, because I don’t care about flashy swords that much, or the camera angle swooping in to catch a close-up of a particularly sneaky or bloody murder, or the way the bodies drop to the ground after running penis first into hail of birdshot. And I especially don’t give a shit about the fake tension between
teenage-protagonist-with-gay-hair #1 and
teenage-protagonist-named-after-a-German-Nazi-Philosopher-to-better-feign-pseudo-intellectualism-
but-ultimately-just-look-infantile-and-fucking-retarded.
I really don’t care about anything other than PLOT, CHARACTERS AND THEIR DEVELOPMENT, NARRATIVE AND DIALOGUE, unless the game is Crysis or COD4, in which case it might be worth catching that the first looks better than real life and the latter is written by a cynical bastard like myself, and in any case both Crysis and COD4 look great, and have redeeming features beyond eye-candy. And because the narrative and the dialogue should really make up a pretty big bulk of any modern video-game, it’s all the more important that it’s not done by flatulent egos and failed porn actresses who couldn’t make ends meet (harr) just being a fluffer.
Basically what I’m trying to say is, unless Capcom has found a way to perform a miracle, I’ll still hate the Resident Evil Franchise (can anyone say EA strategy) after 5 is released. Even if the voice acting has improved, which I doubt it will have.
7
Dec
Fuck you guys, I’ve been busy.
Anyway, it’s nearing christmas, whoop dee doo. I fucking hate the holidays, gotta give away free shit to people I never even meet, or like, and spend the time I could have spent getting relaxed and drunk off my ass, with relatives that will be utterly disappointed when I give them the same thing I gave them last year: Money. Why can’t they just understand that I don’t give a shit.
Anyway, I’ve got some things to recommend to all of you: First of all, read Christopher Hitchens’ book, “God is Not Great“, or alternatively follow that link to have it read to you by the author himself (I heartily recommend you do), and you might also want to see the following 4 youtube clips where he wages battle in the name of reason:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip2nw0NWUW4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shPRAN2elzY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prRTtM2GZIc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9P-x3pEejL8
Secondly get the following two games:
I fucking came. No really, I orgasmed, and then I asked a girl the next day why she can’t perform as well as this game. That’s right, I made her feel more inept at sexual pleasuring than a video game. And she didn’t like it, not one bit. Either way, the game does have some flaws, but they are minor and excusable, save the ending which had me nearly tear the computer a new one. The game looks fucking stunning, and most people won’t have to worry about the computer not running it, since the engine is really scalable and even at medium settings it looks fucking gorgeous. Definitely one I like.
Kane & Lynch enters with 2 convicted felons on death row on their way to be executed. Kane is a former mercenary, who is sprung free to recover some money for a… well notoriously criminal organization that feels he owes them. A lot. A really fucking lot. They set Lynch, who unbeknownst to Kane is a pill popping sadistic sick-puppy psycho with SEVERE schizophrenia, to guard him. The plot is fucking nasty, the characters (especially lynch), are so rotten and depraved, that you just have to like them, and excuse a good bunch of game play issues because the plot really drives this thing. It really does, fuck gamespot or who ever kind of rainbow and kittens faggot gave this game a bad review. The gameplay aside, it’s a fucking awesome game, and if you take the game play into consideration, it’s still really fucking good. So up yours, gamecock.
25
Aug
30
Jul
So I started playing EVE Online. God help me, it’s got me enticed and aroused and attracted by its infinite depth, intricacy and efficacy in keeping me seated in my chair for hours on end.
EVE Online is a player-driven persistent-world massively multiplayer online game (MMOG) in a science fiction space setting in which players pilot a wide array of customizable ships.
EVE Online runs on a large supercomputing cluster known as “Tranquility”, claimed to be the most powerful supercomputer in the gaming industry. Several smaller clusters are used for public and in-house testing including the public test servers “Singularity” and “Multiplicity”.
EVE Online is different from MMOGs such as World of Warcraft, Guild Wars and EverQuest II because the player characters do not gain experience points through actions or by completing tasks. Instead, the player learns skills by training a specific skill over time, a passive process that occurs in real world time so that the learning process will continue even if the player is not logged in. Combat is very balanced, full loot is a factor, capitalism rules supreme.
To read more about the in-depth mechanics, click here.
To get a free trial, click here.
25
Jan
There’s a new videogame out. Ethnic Cleansing: The Game.
The most politically incorrect video game ever made. Run through the ghetto blasting away various blacks and spics in an attempt to gain entrance to the subway system, where the jews have hidden to avoid the carnage. Then, if YOU’RE lucky…. you can blow away jews as they scream “Oy Vey!”, on your way to their command center.
Now I don’t know about you but to me it seems to have atleast an hour of laugh in it before the novelty wears off, so here’s the site for it.
15
Oct
The game that started it all, Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain (1997). I finally found a torrent for it, after my CD broke down and cried on me. I am in the process of reliving all of these games now, and I just thought I’d share the pure fucking excellence of the LoK series. YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT! BEST VAMPIRE RPG EVER!
Games. I love em. And right now there are alot of games being screened for release in 2006, and alot of them look fucking orgasmic. Especially Gears of War, Epic and Microsofts collaboration, probably to become one of the major selling points of the XboX 360, and I can understand it. It uses Epics new Unreal 3 engine. I just cannot stress how cool this thing looks, so here’s a few pictures to tickle your interest.
There are alot more images, and 4 video trailers to watch on IGN’s Gears of War preview site, so check that out. The games’ homepage is currently up, but under construction, so it only shows a logo.
Civilization 4.
Now immediately, I’m skeptical to how much they are going to milk this Sid Meyer classic, but then 3 was not THAT disappointing, and they are planning to change a few things in the fourth installation, or atleast that’s the word on the street. Apparently, they are going to make it more RTS-player friendly, so it’s more fast paced. Of course, that might take away much of the charm about it, but we’ll see how it goes. They will of course also add more technology, units, buildings and wonder etc, as well as giving the graphics an overhaul. It looks stunning atleast, and I’ll probably give it a try when it come out regardless.
Again, more to be seen at IGN’s Preview of Civ 4.
Now, who’s the meanest motherfuckers on the planet? Who knows, who cares. But OFF this planet, that would be the Stroggs. Enter Quake 4.
Quake 4, to me, was initially an uninteresting release, until I discovered there will be a singleplayer part to this, continuing the story where Quake 2 left off. The Multiplayer will of course be more in style of Quake 3. I really missed a good single player mode in Quake 3, that was story driven, and not Bot-Mayhem driven.
Based on the Doom 3 GFX engine, it looks good. Apparently, they will use lighting in Quake 4, so we’ll be able to fucking see stuff, which is good because it actually looks awesome. A small spoiler from the devs: “The only way to fight em, is to become like them.” The main character is captured by the Stroggos force, his legs severed and replaced by biomecha, and a little chip is implanted into his head. Will this affect gameplay? WOOO YEAH!
And of course, here is some more stuff to watch regarding Quake 4:
IGN’s Quake 4 preview
Games homepage (RavenSoft)
26
Jan
Buying Half-Life 2 and Counter-Strike: Source may have been the stupidest thing I have ever done, because now I can hardly stop playing it. God dammit it rules so friggin much.
As such, I’ve not bothered getting stuff to put up here as much, but I have some shit stored for these occasions just in case. So I will probably make some sort of pr0nny update tomorrow. If I find you people worthy that is, and CS:S does not beckon me more.
23
Jan
So I finally got bored enough to buy Half Life 2 Bronze Package (via steam, hope that doesn’t backfire on me I just don’t like giving Steam my CC number). Now it’s taking fucking aeons to download. I wish Steam servers were a little better.
And really, people complain a little about HL2 being short and whatnot. Here’s news: People never really gave 2 shits about Half Life 2. The main reason it’s so hyped is because most of it’s customer base is 14 year old CS players. All most people want is CS: Source. And I know I will probably spend 2 weeks playing CS: Source before even trying out single player.
10
Jan
So I just got this game, and played about 3 chapters, and I’m getting strong associations to Devil May Cry. Incredibly strong. Plagiarism strong. However, I don’t really play the LoK series for the gameplay, nor do I really oppose the Devil May Cry type game play (make the player feel as much like a total badass as possible), what I DID oppose to in Devil May Cry, was the TOTAL unpredictability in the way the camera moves, making the gameplay much harder.
I want mouse-controlling dammit, keyboard controlling of characters was so 1997. Especially with the camera angling all over the place, something more accurate would be QUITE prefferable.
But again, you cannot argue with a story as good as the LoK series (except Blood Omen 2, man that was an abomination of a game).